S5 Episode 3: Eat, Drink, Flirt

Eat, Drink, Flirt: One Woman's Search for a Good Boozy Brunch

Bravo titled this episode “Boozy Brunch” Boozy is one of my all-time favorite words. Bravo stole it from me, look.

"After years of dating and infidelity and boozy shouting matches on the dock, there was nothing left for them to do but get married."
-- What Remains (2005)

Lousy is a favorite word, too, as in "the room was lousy with fashion models." And, “There will be love and loss and luck and fate -- the tent is lousy with it.”
– What Remains

I like things boozy and lousy.

So I thought this episode was maybe a little. . .let's just say, quiet before the storm. Keep a close eye on Sonja. And on her pad. And on all that business advice she took from Ramona and from Heather and then file that away. It may or may not be the innocent beginning of an epic battle. I can or can't say. Another thing I can't say is whether Ramona and LuAnn will get a phone call from Heather about London. Seriously, I can't say!

Rule No. 27: Stop using 27. What's with 27? I have two rules so far and they're both 27. There's a lot of pressure backstage. There are people making me spit out rules right and left and there are obviously not enough numbers. If you have any good suggestions for numbers, let me know. I think my next one will be 5.

Rule No. 5: Don't underestimate the need for a good crumb tray.

Best Husband Ever moment was Reid landing on the rooftop like Superman.

And the biggest fright was when Ramona and my sequins collide at Ranjana's jewelry party -- did you see it? For several tense and fraught minutes we are literally joined at the hip.

Ranjana Khan, by the way, is an incredible jewelry designer and one of my closest friends. Face yoga really works and if I weren't so lazy I'd do it every day with her. Now, seeing all these different angles on TV I think I need to start.

My big moment this week was lunch with Ramona and Mario. This was my first time with them alone and I was nervous, which is probably why I ordered beer. As a single girl, I spend a lot of time with couples -- married, dating, dating cool and casually, flagrantly cheating, you name it -- and in two minutes I can tell who's solid and who's not. The Singers are a rock. They're easy to hang out with because they clearly enjoy each other. And even though there are approximately 27 close-up shots of Ramona looking uncomfortable with me smelling her husband and flaunting my Sicilia, she was definitely not uncomfortable. She is cool as a cat. You can believe me, or not, and either way is fine.

Ramona may or may not have called me "Honey," and I did call her "Bunny." How cute are we? I know everyone thinks of her and turtles, but she is nothing like a turtle. Turtles are slow and steady, Ramona is not. I nicknamed her Bunny after the little pink guy in the Energizer commercials, because she never ever stops. Ever. She jumps from one subject to another, it's impossible to keep track. So I don't.

Later that same night I took my friend Duff (who was at the jewelry show) to see Ramona's off-Broadway play -- Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating and Marriage. It was in the basement of an Italian restaurant that was so off-Broadway it was practically Newark. She's funny, and the play was a scream. She played herself, naturally; giving advice to women who want to snag a man. She told the story of how she got Mario to propose. It had something to do with an exercise outfit, a washing machine, and a weekend away. . .I lost track.

I grew up with a cast of odd characters so I was comfortable with Ramona right off. But will this last? Will Ramona become enraged that I don't talk enough? That Mario talks to me too much? Will she angrily confront me when I don't invite her to Lenny's to check my mail? Will she be furious when I call her Bunny behind her back?

Meanwhile, downtown I learned that Aviva isn't anxious about her hot husband running around sans ring, but she does have anxieties. So much so, in fact, that she has the same standard issue gear in her Upper East Side doorman apartment that I was issued when I covered the Gulf War! I was fortunate to not have to use it then -- the hazmat suit, the gas mask -- but now I know where I'm going next apocalypse. I'm heading straight for the Drescher Bunker, after I stop at Sonja's for mac-and-cheese truffles.

Quick wrap-up: No one called me cool this week (thank god) but Heather did call me Mama-boo. (Cute.) Aviva curtsied twice, but not to me. Sonja has a count in her past and a crumb tray in her future. (I can't stop saying "crumb tray.") And Heather may or may not invite Ramona to London. Also, Mario's scent calms Ramona so I think Luann should have it bottled and spritz when the situation calls.

P.S. Sonja, you're right Steven Tyler and I look weirdly similar. . .There have been rumors of a hospital mix-up. . .Uh, Mom?